Rag Doll - Poem

This is the poem I'm going to submit for my Creative Writing assignment at uni. It's my first assignment I'm submitting ever, it's due tomorrow. What do you think?

Rag Doll

The walls struggled to contain me.
They guided me along the darkness that
engulfed me whole.
My fingertips desperate,
my breathing heavy.
I dreaded what would come for me,
what was waiting
for me.

Sorrow leaked out of my face.
My tears desperate to find their way out,
but even they could not run.
Fingertips
no longer guiding me.
My soul
no longer one piece but
tangled
in his hands,
as he carried me like a rag doll
further into the night.

This is how it all began.

1. Night.
I snuggled deep
down into my bedcovers.
Wet eyes,
but still warm.
Warm enough.

2. Morning.
Ready for another day
at the place where the world wanted me to be.
Because it said I had to.
So I obeyed it
and washed off yesterday.

Tomorrow I would wash off today.

3. Today.
My heart was swept under a rug.
People were stepping on it,
not realising
that it was there.
My mind tried to follow it
but it soon returned home
away from the rug
that was now gathering dusty footsteps.

2. I wish I could bubble wrap my heart.
Music to disguise my life.
The last time my heart fell out, I could only
wipe off the dirt
and put it back in.

I wanted to be prepared for next time.

4. Tomorrow.
My smile’s turn.
It’s falling down
to my knees
where my face can no longer reach it.
It rips
down my body.
My heart is thudding.
At least it’s back.
But there is no bubble wrap
here.

2. Maybe some tiny, shiny key will wash up on the shore.
My tiny key would come soon.
It would be very small
but very shiny.
I would open up everything,
even the warmth when there is no sleep.

5.The next day.
They don’t realise
that my heart has no bubble wrap
or that I have no key
or that my smile is ripped.
I see torn clothes,
they see my beautiful dress.
I see broken bones,
they see solid arms.
They have painted black rainbows in my sky.

6. Night.
My head hit the pillow.
Silent tears that stain too brightly
and fall down the side of my face
at an extreme angle.
The tiny threads in my pillow absorb the salty liquid.
They remind me of keyholes.

5. Their words continue to shrink me.
Oh – when will that dreadful echo stop?
But they will not steal my heart away.
No
Definitely not my heart.
For I need that to repaint my sky with.

The tears are still staining the tiny keyholes in my pillow.

333. So I grab my bucket of paint
and some bubble wrap.


∞
This is what remains.

Wow Donna that was a pleasure to read! You definitely have a talent for creative writing. I'm sure your teacher will love it. Feel free to post any more stuff you have if you want to

Oh Donna I loved it so much I cried (Sort of reminds me of myself).

^ Wow, thanks for those nice comments it means a lot I hope my tutor feels the same way!

Just to update you guys, I didn't get a very good grade for this. I got a H3+, which is about 65-69%. Basically the grades go: Fail, Pass, H3, H2B, H2A, H1.

This was my first creative writing assignment I submitted. For my second (creative non fiction), I got a H3 (even though I thought I'd do better). My last assignment (fiction) is due in a few days. I doubt I'll do any better.

Melb uni has REALLY high standards. I should be gratefull I'm passing.

Really? Well obviously I'm no expert at creative writing but I guess now you can try to focus on where you could improve providing that your teachers gave you good enough feedback? I really hope it all works out for you. It's still early days at uni and you could still go on to achieve really high grades

Aww, well at least you know we love your work.

Don't worry though Donna, hopefully in your next term/year, you will be more confident, because you will know what to expect.

The teacher said I used to many cliche's. That's the only feedback I got.

Oh, no! That stinks I always disliked poetry being graded because, as a poetry professor once said to my class, "who is to honestly say what's right and what's wrong when it comes to poetry?" Hopefully you won't let this get you down for too long.